My first blog

Hmm what should it be about? What do moms like me want to read? What is a mom like me? Well let’s start there. I’m 34 almost middle aged (yikes). Bring on the crisis, ha my life is one crisis after another. I have a husband (oldest child) and two little girls (6/3). I am a career minded, college educated, super mom. I remember planning as a kid my wedding and dreaming of my future with kids but I can’t really tell you why. I did everything in my life as one would expect me too in a middle class caucasian Canadian family. I graduated high school, went to college, got a job or 3 actually, moved out, dated, met my husband, marriage, kid 1, hmm this is easy, kid 2 and that’s where all hell breaks loose.

I so desperately wanted to be a mom and I had to be better then my mom. At first this was easy, my first born D was a fantastic eater and sleeper, we did everything together and she was my world. My husband even mentioned having 4 kids if they were all like her. I went back to my career at the bank after my 1 yr maternity leave and knew that it was for our family’s best interest for me to return full time and have another baby with another paid leave. I earned a couple promotions and we started trying. 1/4 women miss carry but that’s a story for a different blog. Needless to say M came into the world as my rainbow baby and brought with her all kinds of change.

Everything changed, my relationship with D now a 3 year old was tweaked, my hubby had a more challenging and time consuming job, M didn’t sleep or eat well. She wasn’t as easy to schedule like D. I desperately wanted to be the “super mom” I had been dreaming ’bout since I was a kid. Healthy meals, homemade snacks, extravagant birthday and holiday parties (did I mention my husband hates parties) and not missing a special moment because of work. I did pretty good too…for awhile.

After starting my own business while on my 2nd maternity leave I wasn’t sure if I could handle going back to work, but also not sure whether our pocket book could handle my not returning. I had entered the world of social networking and I flourished because despite “super mom” status I needed to balance that with a little bit of “filling my own bucket” as D calls it. I have always needed a purpose and somebody to help. I found both these things in my business but I knew I needed to work at growing my pay check. I wasn’t there yet so I went back to the bank…..it was a living hell. If being sleep deprived, having a toddler, and basically living like a single mom wasn’t hard; add on returning to work with a side of Mean Girls and Horrible Bosses. I lasted all of 10 weeks.

I was lucky to have my network which connected me to a part time gig and my business was booming. I could work 5 hours a day, be there for anything school related and enjoy my kids. Life was going to be good right? Except M hasn’t changed, she still doesn’t sleep well, D and I are not getting along (see she is a miniature version of me and needs to be the boss!). Neither one of my kids gets much one on one attention and because they are 3 years apart playing with each other isn’t without fights. My husband is tired and over worked. He and I have goals, we want to go on certain big trips that we couldn’t as kids, we want to be debt free, and we want to teach our kids the value of hard work.

I want to be realistic. I love both D and M with every ounce of my being. I will continue to protect them, love them, and encourage them to dream. But life isn’t like we dream it to be. Marriage takes work, being a mom is humbling, and filling your own bucket is hard when we are balancing everyone’s else’s bucket too. I haven’t changed my expectations; every day I start the day expecting morning snuggles, hassle free hair brushing, peaceful drives to school/work, exciting stories from school, hot home cooked meals, and quiet bedtimes reading books. Dreamy right? This is not my reality. I wake up to “I hungry,” there are screaming fits over the colour or number of ponies we put in, we are missing socks or coats half way to school, I serve meals out of a box more than twice a week, and we can’t just read a story before bed, no we need 20 potty breaks, a drink of water, and only the care bear blanket will do. Would I change my current world? No – but I won’t send my girls into the world blindly.

Dream Big – set high expectations – Forgive yourself!

Because dreams motivate, expectations provide a standard in which to measure your success, and forgiveness is essential to humanity because we are human and will screw up but a true super hero gets up and does it all over again tomorrow.